13 Little Reasons You Should Not Follow Glamour’s Relationship Advice
- Juliet Dowley
Jillian Kramer’s list of 13 little things that can make a man fall hard for you , went viral on Twitter (for all the wrong reasons) just minutes after it was published, earlier this week. However, just days later, Glamour Smitten were forced to take down the article and admit that it read ‘like a 1950s marriage handbook.’ As someone who identifies as a feminist, I would never follow Kramer’s advice. And here are ’13 little reasons’ why:
1. Men aren’t cats
That has to be one of the strangest (and most obvious) phrases I’ve ever typed, but plenty of people have taken to Twitter to point out how few changes have to be made to turn Kramer’s article into a list of ways to endear yourself to your cat. Unlike cats’, though, I’m not sure that men’s hearts can be won just by leaving out saucers of milk.
2. FACT: Feminists make better partners
Yes, there is actually science behind that statement. In 2007, Rutgers Psychologists conducted a survey of 600 heterosexual students. They found that men who identified as feminists were more likely to be in stable relationships, and that feminist couples reported greater satisfaction in bed. So, strange though it sounds, your experience in bed with your boyfriend might be improved by being honest about your views on gender equality,instead of making him a snack- as though cooking has to be women’s work.
3. It’s okay to have your own interests
Ok, emailing your boyfriend links to tweets about his favourite TV show might be quite sweet, but why are men given relationship tips such as ‘Be passionate about something,’ while according to Kramer women should just fit in with whatever their boyfriends are interested in? And wouldn’t it seem less contrived if you shared links about shows you both like?
4. Is it the bragging rights you like, or the boy?
There is a fine line between constantly boasting about your boyfriend to your friends and family. In fact far from making ‘his chest puff out and his heart swell,’it risks him wondering whether you like him as a person or just as a trophy.
5. Don’t answer the door naked. Just don’t.
Do I even need to list the risks involved in answering the door in a negligee, or worse still naked? What if it’s not who you think it is? What if your boyfriend doesn’t appreciate you thrusting yourself upon him like that? Seriously, Ms Kramer, I hope you haven’t tried this one yourself.
6. Consent shouldn’t be automatic
Let’s face it, when Kramer suggested that women should be ‘open to what [men] want, inside the bedroom and out,’ she was basically implying that they should say yes to sex. However, the right to say no is one of the most important messages that needs to be conveyed to young women today. So, in my view, it was simply irresponsible for Kramer to include this tip in an article that was published online for anyone to see, knowing that many young women and even children could be influenced by it.
7. What kind of boyfriend do you want?
According to Kramer, you should let your boyfriend solve your “little work problems”, because men “like solving problems”. But what if you’re not looking for a man who expects you to defer to him whenever you need to sort something out? Women are perfectly capable of solving their own problems, so why pretend we’re not?
8. Honesty is the best policy
It’s one of those life lessons that are taught to us in nursery, but this probably also applies in relationships. Of course, for women who share a genuine interest in sport with their partners, swapping sport stats might be a great source of conversation. But for those who just don’t care who scored the most goals in the premier league last season, maybe it would be better just to be themselves, instead of pretending that they do just to impress men (who don’t all love sport anyway).
9. We are not in the 60′ s anymore
Looking at Kramer’s list, it’s not surprising that this hashtag has appeared in response to it. In 2015, cooking doesn’t have to be the woman’s responsibility. So, unless she happens to enjoy cooking, there’s no reason why it should be the woman who serves up the man’s favourite meal to win his heart. Why not the other way around?
10. Men don’t choose girlfriends for each other
And yet strangely, according to Kramer, the way to a man’s heart is through his friends. Personally, I’d rather have a boyfriend who has views of his own, rather than relying on his friends to make decisions for him.
11. All men aren’t the same
There are 31 million men in the UK alone. And yet Kramer writes as if they’re some kind of robot species who all think the same thing. Many men do enjoy vegging in front of the TV–of course they do–but it’s definitely not the case that they all see it as ‘the best time.’
12. Women are not inferior
Unfortunately, that’s a statement that is not universally acknowledged, even today. A foot rub may be cute, but it’s also associated with being inferior. And that’s a message that no woman wants to send out.
13. Be Yourself
Surely, you’re more likely to end up with a boyfriend who values you for who you really are if you have honest conversations with him instead of engineering what you say to try and “make him fall for you” by taking him “back to third grade”.